pizzahard:

me at a job interview: as you can see sir, my qualifications are highly extensive, I had earned myself a PHD

employer: it says here all you did was worked at pizza hut

me: yes sir that is correct, I had earned my living from Pizza Hut Delivery


thesugarhole:

if we are talking in person and i accidentally spit dont even call out i saw it and im dead inside

(Source: thesugarhole)